Unspoken Mental Health: How to Help Families 'Keep it in the Family'.



On the surface, many families appear to be “normal and contented”, but behind this façade someone might be suffering. These are sometimes "secret mental health problems," real issues that aren't discussed for fear, shame or lack of understanding. Not talking about mental health problems within families leads to stigma, which can prevent people from seeking help.


A key reason for the lack of discussion of these issues in families is because they are seen as private matters. Sayings such as "don't be a cry baby" or "there are others worse off than you" can undermine our efforts to share our feelings. This can lead to feelings being overwhelmed. By normalising mental health, just like physical health, this can be avoided.


Even if issues are concealed, there are signs. Mood swings, isolation, lack of interest, sleep problems and excessive anxiety could be signs of something more serious. Identifying these early on can avoid bigger problems in the future.


It can be hard to open up a conversation, but it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Offering reassurance with statements like "Are you okay?" or "I'm here to listen" can help. It's important to be non-judgmental, patient, and empathetic.


It's important not to try to solve all problems - just listen. Little things such as being together, checking in and providing comfort can help. Don't blame or pressure, particularly if they are reluctant to accept help. Instead, be supportive and understanding.


If someone is reluctant to get help, be patient. Listen, and provide gentle support and encouragement. Feeling safe and non-judged is important for people to seek help.


But helping others can be stressful. It is essential that you focus on your own needs, boundaries and seek help if needed.


At times, seeking professional support like counselling or therapy is needed. It enhances communication, relieves stress and offers support for families in challenging times.


To break the silence, start with open conversation, honesty and empathy. By fostering a safe space, healing can begin.


Ultimately, you needn't know everything. All you have to do is listen, care and be there. Because being there for family mental health is not about diagnosis, it's about relationships.


Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)


1. How can I tell if my family member has mental health issues?

Signs include mood, behaviour or sleep changes, and social isolation. These may indicate something is wrong.


2. How do I initiate a conversation?

Just say "are you OK?" or "I'm here if you want to talk." It's more important to be kind than to say the right thing.


3. What can I say to my family member?

Be a good listener, be patient and be encouraging. It's not always helpful to offer advice.


4. If they don't want to talk?

Don’t force them. Be patient, understanding and accepting.


5. Should we get counselling or therapy?

Yes, particularly if it's too much to cope with. Parents can be supported by professionals.


6. Do families contribute to recovery?

Absolutely. Having a family that is supportive and understanding can help.


About the Author

Dr Milaine Gradel is a mental health and dementia clinical leader, working in community health. She has a wide range of experience working in the NHS, emphasising patient-centred care and working with families to support real-life mental health issues.

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